We Are Great Friends Now

Pete likes to text me, from my own iPad as "Future Lauren." This was part of his message today:

I must go now. Neil Patrick Harris is coming over again, we are great friends now, but he can be a handful during these weekly visits. Between him and Will Wheaton, there is never a dull moment in our farm mansion.

Someone Call the Patent Office

"I love having two dogs when I am eating wings, because they are like automatic finger cleaners!"

Wonderful Really Pretty

"We have lived at Grand Canyon, and Great Smoky Mountains.  Everywhere we have lived has been great or grand.  If we ever move, we need to live somewhere like Wonderful Lakeshore or Really Pretty Tree Forest."

Is That So?

"We say jerk in my family.  My dad taught me to say jerk and idiot on the road.  He taught me everything I know."

I am calling him right now and telling him what you just said.

"Noooooo!"

Really... a Cop?

"I don't want to be social in this park.  I just want to stay away from the crack heads and focus on being a cop."

Because crack heads are all about communing with nature while hitting the pipe?

Because Asking Directly is Boring

Subject: From Your Sad iPhone

Dear Pete,

This is your iPhone. You left me on the counter. Your wife said she will give me a ride to work so we can be together again.

Love,

Pete

I mean

your phone

Too much Eureka!

Pete: This is not Pete. This is your iPhone. I hate this show. I would rather stab myself than play another episode. Can we please watch Mater Chef instead, with Pete? Love, your phone.

Reply: You will learn to love it! Wil Wheaton should be showing up any episode now!

This “Magically” Appeared in my Inbox

Hello Lauren, this is future Lauren (you). In the future you become involved with a close friend that develops the ability to send emails to whomever they wish from the past (think back to the future, only using the internets). The technology was found to be to powerful, thus destroyed. Being close friends, you (we) were given the opportunity to send one email. I (you) took our time and choose a very important message. I know this may come as a surprise to you (us), but please know that my (your) intentions are good. I writing to let you (us) know of some things to come.

 

If you (we) had one opportunity to send a single message, imagine the things you would want to say, and the weight of this opportunity. Anyway, the one thing I wanted to let you (us) know it that; your (our) husband continues to be as amazing as he is now. I can not begin to tell you all the wonderful things he accomplishes and how proud we are of him. I could give thousands of examples, but that may ruin the awe you continue to see in him. He becomes more amazing than I (you) could ever imagine during your current life (I know you are saying, "how much better can this already perfect man be?", but trust me (us) - he gets better).

 

That is the message I wanted us to know. Oh yeah, you (we) become pretty amazing also.

 

Love,

Future Lauren

 

PS - Cole just received a full scholarship to play starting quarterback and the University of Michigan. Ohio crumbles and the United States declares it a landfill (it always smelled anyways), thus we don't feel bad about him playing for Michigan.

 

PSS - Puller just saved his 52nd life carting a young boyscout out of the Smokies.

Reasons

"Why do you think you will marry me?"

1) In order to establish a MOU* for your Keurig coffee brewer.
2) We both use the parking brake.
3) Ginger babies.

*Memorandum of Understanding